So, I was hanging out with my friend Crissy today when she said something that made me very happy. She said that she didn't believe I was as ditsy as I act. The truth is she is right. I guess she knows me better than a lot of people, but it still meant a lot that she could see through my act to the real me. I was honest with her, like I have been with a few people in my life. It started when I was in elementary school. For whatever reason, the other girls felt like it was okay to treat me like I was stupid. Instead of trying to prove them wrong (which wouldn't have worked), I chose to play along. I've been faking it ever since. It is a role that I have nearly perfected over the past 16 years. It has become a mask that I wear when I feel unsure of myself. I guess in a way, I feel like if I pretend to be ditsy, then I can't be upset when people treat me that way. I think the problem is becoming that although it started out as an act, after feigning ditsiness for so long, that it is starting to actually be part of who I am. The lines of pretend and reality are starting to become blurred. I know that is not who I am, and I think part of me is tired of masquerading as someone I am not. Maybe that is one reason why I started this blog; to give anyone who cared to, a chance to catch a glimpse of the real me. I don't know if I will ever be brave enough to stop hiding behind my disguise completely, but I take comfort in knowing that there are people in my life who will take the time to know the real me.
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